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When I was in my 20s, the bar I worked at hosted an open mic for musicians, and Matt was one of our regulars. He was tall, broad, unfailingly polite and he sang Tom Waits covers. That was a super-hot combination and one night when I got off my shift a little early, we had some drinks and I took him home.

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After every sexual escapade my friends and I enjoyed in college, we'd ask each other one very big, important question: "Was he packing the heat? It's almost comical to think having a big penis equates to good sex, because, honestly -- and this is something I wish I could scream at my early something self -- that's just total bullshit. Because those are still great.

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Just five per cent of erect penises are bigger than 6. Now we have sex around three or four times a week. In reality it really can make relationships harder — pardon the pun!

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Prepare yourself for a cold hard fact: the average erect penis in Britain is five-and-a-half inches long. We might not admit to it, but so much of our time is spent adding phantom inches when bragging about our bits on various dating apps or finding the perfect angle for a dick pic that makes it look just a little bit more impressive than it does IRL. But where did that notion of bigger being better come from?

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Where would the world be without Reddit? Reddit gives those without a voice a gigantic PA system and — as it happens — a lot of those voices talk about penises. Obviously, from here on out everything is pretty NSFW, in case you were wondering.

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I dated a dude who was packing a footlong. T he sex was uncomfortable, at best, and he refused to go down on me. I dumped him after a year of making up excuses to not have sex.

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This story begins at a non-gay bar on a Saturday night. I went out to one of our usual hangout bars with two of my grad school buddies. We were drinking and joking and laughing and around 2AM they both said they wanted to go home.

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There was Willie Jordan, flanked by a dozen friends and a few curious strangers in the back corner of a dimly lit pub. Nonsense, they said, as they formed an ironclad circle around Jordan to protect him. He had found himself in this situation so many times before, and he knew when it was time to admit defeat.

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A few months ago, I had a round of these conversations with the usual suspects in my life. Think of it as a dick Overton window: a continuum of acceptability, but in this case, one that varies from person to person. Boyfriend dicks have a measurable component, of course, but not a consistent one.

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